Two Guys, Two Games—Act I

by John R and Ray W

(J and R are sitting in comfortable chairs. J has the remote and is looking for a baseball game on TV, going through other non-baseball channels quickly.)

R: Right? But then you’re like, we got Pedro goin’ tomorrow against Clemens and we’re gonna win this one. And then Pedro’s out to a 2-0 lead and he gives up two in the 7th or 8th right?

J: Yeah.

R: Seventh. And then it’s tied and then fucking they lose it in the ninth, ya know?

J: Mm.

R: So then tomorrow they gotta face Mussina. Heh. And they’re goin, I think they’re throwin Nomo tomorrow.

J: That could be…

R: It could be a really good match-up if Nomo is pitching as good as he is, you know?

J: That, that could be a great game.

R: I would think it’d have to be. So, ya know, but Boston…

(J finds a baseball game)

J: Fuck! Rangers/A’s?

R: What?! Those are like the worst two teams in the major leagues, man.

J: Uggghhh.

R: Like the A’s and the Rangers have both gotten off to horrible starts.

J: That blows.

R: How could they not fuckin…

J: Pujols is number 68?

R: No, he changed it.

J: Yeah, he changed it?

R: To, I don’t remember what it was. It’s like 5.

J: Yeah.

R: Because the Cardinals hav a lot of low numbers. ‘Cause Drew’s seven—

J: They don’t have any—

R: Edmonds is 15…

J: Are there any sports players who wear number 69? I don’t think there are. Some…

R: It’d be interesting to find out who wears 96 though. ‘Cause those are probably the ons who wanted to wear 69 and they couldn’t. Like see who’s personality is 96, ya know? Like a Turk Wendell-type guy.

J: That’d be an interesting story…who wears 69? You could pr’y write it, too.

R: Well, you, I’m not writin it.

J: You have access to what you would need to write it, though, ya know? I don’t.

R: Myou-hah-ha-hah.

J: So…

R: I think for it to be best we would have to write it together.

J: Yeah.

R: Like, I would have to write a rough draft…

J: Uh-huh.

R: …And give you basically the types of characters I wanted.

J: Yeah.

R: And you would have to put in all the good literary shit.

J: Alright.

R: To make it deeper.

J: Um-hm.

R: I’m gonna go have a cigarette.

J: I mean, we can go out there.

R: Alright. Well, whatever. I don’t care.

J: L— Let’s go out there actually. Yeah.

R: So, yeah. I just want you to come because it’s been perfect weather and good games.

J: Yeah.

R: And like, the grass, dude, is awesome.

J: Yeah, the grass looks good.

R: ‘Member last year?

J: Last year?

R: Last year, ya know? Like there isn’t a patch this year. There isn’t even like a 1-foot little area anywhere on the field that isn’t perfect. Like somehow the mound, in front of the mound, and like where the outfielders stand, where it was doin that last year? They’re perfect.

J: Yeah, Richie!

R: Listen to that.

J: Aw, he just hit a solo…

R: Milwaukee’s crowd is not very loud. Dude, the Brewers with Sexson and Burnitz…

J: God, man…he just, he just whipped that ball.

R: Dude, the Brewers have the next best player on their team. Because they signed Sexson to, like, a four-year deal before the year. Like really cheap. Like four years, twenty million or something like that.

J: Look at that guy, man.

R: I’m tellin’ you, he’s gonna be awesome. And Milwaukee’s got him locked up.

J: Yeah.

R: And he chose to stay in Milwaukee/. Like, that’s the good thing about it is, I want to see Milwaukee be good. And now they got Jamey Wright, and, ah, D’Mico, ya know? They’ve got two good starters now—that are both young. Like, I want to see Milwaukee be good. I saw the interview of Sexson before last season, when he was still with Cleveland. And that was when he had really short hair and it was died. He’s such a California surfer.

J: Yeah.

R: He’s like, I can’t believe they pay me to do this. He’s still young, he still has—

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