Girl With Copious Hair

“I hear you’ve got a new girlfriend.”

“I do.”

“Well who is she, what’s she like?”

“Oh, she’s one of those people who has really long hair—like down to her butt. I mean, she’s attractive…but all that hair. What are you supposed to do with it? I feel like she expects me to do something with it—to, like, braid it. When we watch TV we snuggle or whatever, but all I can think about is all that hair, sitting there in her lap, like an undiapered baby.”